The Hartlepool Monkey

Whatever became of the seafaring monkey who survived a shipwreck and washed up on the shores of old Blighty?

Of all the flotsam and jetsam to find its way ashore in Hartlepool during the Napoleonic Wars, a monkey dressed in the blue and white uniform of a Frenchman had to have been the most unlikely. But with France having trading posts around the globe, the idea of a monkey being aboard one of their ships isn’t as far-fetched as you may first think.

As the story goes, a French ship, believed to have been a trade ship (though the North Sea is an odd place for a vessel of this standing) was wrecked not too far from Hartlepool. It’s believed the monkey was dressed in French regalia for the entertainment of the sailors onboard. Clinging to some flotsam, the seafaring ape rode the tide and found itself on English soil.

Upon discovery, unable to respond to interrogation from the locals, they took it upon themselves to try it on suspicion of being a spy against King and country. The verdict was guilty and thus, the poor creature was hanged by the neck until dead.

Words: Lewis Coupland

You can discover more nuggets of curious history in our 2nd print issue of Ernest Journal, on sale now.

Mischievous words

Brian Chapman trawls through the language of roguish ne'er-do-wells, slovens, snook-cockers and other miscreants

CC: This file comes from Wellcome Images, a website operated by Wellcome Trust, a global charitable foundation based in the United Kingdom

CC: This file comes from Wellcome Images, a website operated by Wellcome Trust, a global charitable foundation based in the United Kingdom

slubberdegullion, n 

Usage: A slobbering drunk person.

Etymology: Slubber is most likely derived from slobber, gullion is of uncertain origin but possibly from cullion, a Middle English word for testicle. In Rabelais’ Gargantua and Pantagruel, slabberdegullion is employed amid a torrent of insults including ‘slapsauce fellows’, ‘drunken roysters’ and ‘drowsy loiterers’.

larrikin, 

Usage: A mischievous person, usually a youth, who ‘cocks a snook’ at social convention.

Etymology: Most likely a corruption of larking. In 19th-century Australia, impoverished teenagers who formed gangs to cause a ruckus and flout convention were known as larrikins. Still in use today, its meaning has softened to describe youthful high spirits.

snecklifter, n 

Usage: Someone who acts in a crafty, stealthy fashion in order to get something for nothing.

Etymology: Sneck is a Scottish dialect word for latch, also used in the north of England. A snecklifter is a person who, upon arriving at an inn, would lift the latch on the door and peer inside to see if there was anyone likely to buy him a drink.

cutpurse, n 

Usage: 17th-century term for a pickpocket or thief: literally one who cut purses to steal their contents. 

Etymology: Unskilled as a nimble- fingered dip (pickpocket), a cutpurse would use a knife to cut through purse-strings attached to an unsuspecting victim’s belt, taking the whole purse rather than dipping in and stealing the valuable items.

hookum snivey, n 

Usage: Someone who feigns illness to elicit compassion and money. Also known as hook’em snivey and hookem-snivvy.

Etymology: Hookum is likely to derive from hook and means to lure by trickery, and snivey is an old word for deceit.The expression was used in Victorian London to describe beggars who pretended to be sick or lame.

Are you a linguaphile? Get your hands on our Untranslatable Words A5 prints in our online store. You can discover more nuggets of curious history in the 2nd print issue of Ernest Journal, on sale now.

Ship biscuits

These hardy crackers were the main staple for sailors on a long voyage – it's believed around the time of the Spanish Armada the daily allowance on board a Royal Navy ship was one pound of biscuits and a gallon of beer. Guy Lochhead tells us more about this stalwart biscuit...

These historical crackers have served as a vital food for centuries aboard boats, among armies and far-flung communities across the world. When stored well, they last indefinitely.

Their usage in the military and at sea led to all sorts of mythologising – most famously in maritime novels as “weevily biscuits”, with sailors opting to eat in the dark to avoid seeing the maggots. Historians have debunked this idea, at least since the early 19th century, when sailors began storing their biscuits in airtight wine barrels.

In 1812, Captain Basil Hall described tasting the results: “the biscuit smelled as fresh and new as if it had been taken from the oven only the day before. Even its flavour and crispness were preserved so entire, that I thought we should never have done cranching it.”

Here’s a traditional recipe, eschewing any of the butter and milk that modern versions use. Although the additional ingredients taste great, they are perishable, and we want our biscuits to last hundreds of years. 

Ingredients:

500g flour (historically, medium coarse stone-ground wholemeal)
2 tsp salt water

Method:

Preheat oven to 190°C. Combine flour and salt in a bowl and add water until it makes a stiff dough. Roll this out thickly then cut into squares (Navy-style) or circles (Army-style), and pierce holes in them to make them easier to break up later (‘docking’). Place on a baking tray in the oven for half an hour then remove and leave to cool fully on a wire rack before eating.

Guy Lochhead is a primary school teacher living in Bristol. He is currently gathering sources via the British Whybrary, putting on gory am-dram classical tragedies and starting Bristol's first co-op gym.

britishwhybrary.org

Yulelads are coming to town

Keep your sausages in the fridge and your sheep locked in the barn for the troublesome Yulelads, or Jólasveinarnir, of Icelandic folklore are on the prowl this time of year

Around the festive period do you ever get bored of that rather over-friendly old fellow Santa Claus with his benevolent smile and highly trained pack of reindeer? Then let us introduce you to the Yule Lads (Jólasveinarnir) of Icelandic folklore. Thirteen sons of mountain-dwelling trolls Grýla and Leppalúði, one of these lads visits Icelandic homes every night before Christmas to play pranks and cause mischief. If you’re really bad they may even bring their Yule Cat ( Jólakötturinn) with them, who’ll eat you if you’re not wearing your finest new Christmas clothes. Here are four of Ernest’s favourite Jólasveinarnir.

Stekkjarstaur

Arriving on 12 December, Stekkjarstaur or the ‘sheep worrier’ will try to suck your sheep dry, although he is often impaired by his stiff peg legs.

Gáttaþefur

The ‘doorway sniffer’ will use his massive nose to locate any laufabrauð (Icelandic bread eaten over Christmas) and snaffle it when you’re not looking.

Skyrgámur

Akin to the Ernest team, this chap has a deep love for the wholesome Icelandic yoghurt Skyr so be careful to keep that fridge door firmly shut.

Bjúgnakrækir

The sausage pilferer hides in the eaves and beams of your house and steals sausages and any other meats you have left hanging up for smoking.

Words: Duncan Wright
Illustrations: Aaron Bagley and Cellar Door Mercantile

This was taken from the second print issue of Ernest Journal, available to buy now.

 

The ghosts of Dartmoor

Beware disembodied hands, a blind highwayman and bloodthirsty hounds of hell on the wilds Dartmoor in this dark and dastardly week. Mark Blackmore is your guide...

freeimages.com

freeimages.com

Dartmoor is a national park in south Devon, 954 square km of moorland studded with granite tors. It’s an ancient place, long inhabited by hardy souls, and you can still find stone circles, the remains of Bronze Age settlements, among its hills and valleys. Little surprise then that a land with such a rich history, of such isolated splendour, should be absolutely seething with ghosts. Totally infested, it is. One time the Blair Witch visited for a holiday but left early because the place was freaking her out.

Let’s take a tour. It’s safe as long as you take Ernest’s hand, but whatever you do, don’t let go.

We’ll start with one of Ernest’s favourites, over at Postbridge on the B3212. Here, drivers of carriages, cars and motorcycles report their vehicles being forced off the road by the ‘Hairy Hands’, disembodied hands that grab the wheel (or handlebars or reins). The Hairy Hands often remain invisible, a sign of their supreme cunning.

Now let’s stop by the picturesque village of Chagford. The Three Crowns Hotel offers polite hospitality, a great restaurant and the ghost of Sydney Godolphin, a Cornish Member of Parliament who died on the front porch after being shot in the thigh with a musket during the Civil War. Most of the rooms at the Three Crowns have had a visitation or two, but then it is a very nice place.

Over to Beetor Cross, and there’s the highwayman who stands watching the road. Give him a wave and pretend you haven’t noticed the empty eye sockets. We won’t dally at Bradford Pool, because that soft voice calling your name won’t stop until you have drowned. And we’ll keep going past Cadover Bridge, because those sounds are from a battle between the forces of Cromwell and Charles I. Yes, those are the screams of the dying. It’s not very nice, to be honest.

Now, here we are at Chaw Gully. There’s treasure in the pit here, but see that raven? He’ll call to the guardian, should you try to reach it. No, you don’t want to meet the guardian. We’ll head over to Clasiwell, where at night a disembodied voice can be heard giving the name of the next local to die.

Watch your step

Slightly less depressing, though more dangerous, is Dewerstone Woods. Here, should you be caught alone at night, a huntsman will chase you to the highest peak, and when you fall, the hellhounds will be waiting for you. It’s not the nicest way to go, no.

Let’s zip by New Bridge – see the fairies who still live there? You can also catch them at Sheeps Tor – and go straight on to Dartmoor Prison. The jackdaws here contain the souls of dead staff, which I’d wager wasn’t in their original employment contracts.

Widecombe-in-the-Moor is one of the prettiest villages on the moor, though it wasn’t really the place to be the day the Devil visited. A man named Jan Reynolds had sold his soul for seven years of good luck, but when it came time to pay he took shelter in the village church. The Devil struck the church with lightning, and Jan and three others died in the fire.

Ignore Gibbet Hill – that’s the ghost of a murderer, ineptly hung, who eventually died of thirst. He’s begging for someone to kill him. More interesting is the stone circle at Lustleigh Cleave, where you can sometimes see the ancient inhabitants still going about their daily lives.

Pretty much anywhere on Dartmoor, of course, you could run into the black hound. This legend is the inspiration for Conan Doyle’s The Hound of the Baskervilles, and the most likely way you’ll see the hound nowadays is under the control of one Richard Cabell, who likes to hunt children with his devil dog. Perhaps best then to keep a child handy, just in case the situation should arise.

!MarkBlackmore.jpg

Mark Blackmore has written for many diverse publications including Men’s HealthBBC HistoryCountryfileFocus, The World of Cross Stitching and Sabotage Times. He recently published The Wager, a novel about a bet between God and Lucifer.

You can read more of Mark's dark tales in iPad issue 4, on sale now.